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my raison d’être

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Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

This is the 700th post on my tiny, insignificant blog! Over the last few days, I have found myself pondering life and my place in the world. I have read books and articles, watched YouTube videos and meditated. Finally, I have concluded that I need to very firmly put the past behind me and move forward through the rest of my time here, one day at a time.

Dark thoughts about some of my past indiscretions have been bubbling to the surface of my conscious mind, and no amount of meditation was able to push them back down to where they belong. So instead, I have stuffed them back in their boxes and thrown away the key. There is nothing I can do about what went before. I can’t let my past affect my reality.

So, from today, I am going to allow myself to help others. I will dedicate my life to helping those that need me, so my family first and foremost. I will be present in their lives until my last breath. Then I will continue my voluntary work with the youth football club and my son’s scooter group. I will also work hard to promote my wife’s cake making business; it has huge potential.

I will work on my mental and physical fitness, eat well and find ways to fulfil my creative urges. Finally, I will dip a toe into spirituality, working towards a deeper understanding of the universe and how I can prepare my son for his journey into adulthood. It’s fucking scary, and I don’t have all the answers, so I will take each day as it comes, one at a time, until it all makes a bit more sense to me.