my raison d’être

silhouette photography of person
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

This is the 700th post on my tiny, insignificant blog! Over the last few days, I have found myself pondering life and my place in the world. I have read books and articles, watched YouTube videos and meditated. Finally, I have concluded that I need to very firmly put the past behind me and move forward through the rest of my time here, one day at a time.


my new normal

For the first time in many months, I find myself alone at home; this is rare.

So, what did I do with this slice of freedom? I cleaned the house, listened to some music and watched a few YouTube videos. Is that constructive? I don’t know, but anyway, it has all lead me to sit down and spew forth some words of encouragement and reflection.







So, as part of the Covid-19 study that I am in, I have had to have another swab test.



this morning I have made the decision to avoid having a haircut until at least 2022!


461: Coronavirus England – Boris Johnson looking at second-wave lockdown scenarios

Boris Johnson leading the coronavirus press conference on Friday. Photograph: Andrew Parsons/No 10 Downing Street

Boris Johnson is considering new lockdown measures in England should there be a second wave of coronavirus infections.

Plans are being assessed after a rise in Covid-19 cases forced the prime minister to slow the lockdown easing on Friday, with proposed relaxations for the leisure and beauty sectors delayed. Read the full article by clicking here.



I’m thinking of doing a 7 day water fast. The 1st of August looks like a good time to start.


I had no idea that it would be so hard to take control of one’s eating habits! I just need to make a small change to the times that I eat.

I will try again today, no food after 7 PM, no food before 2 PM.


434: 132.8KG

A slow start to my weight-loss journey. My biggest vice is eating food late at night. If I can force myself to break that habit, the weight should fall off of me. So, from today, I am only going to eat between the hours of 2 pm and 7pm – although I will continue to have my morning coffee with milk and sugar!

Here are the stats for today.

  • WEIGHT 132.8KG
  • BMI 39.7
  • BODY FAT 41.5%

The NHS website says that I should be aiming for a target weight of 85KG and a BMI of 25. I have a long way to go, but by my calculations, if I stick to my plan I should hit those goals in just over a year.


430: 133KG

It is time for 85KG. I’m going to use a low-carb/fasting combo, mixed in with daily exercise.

Look out for random updates on my progress. Coronavirus doesn’t like fat people, and as a fat person it is up to me to minimise my chances of developing complications should I ever contract the virus. I don’t want to die hooked up to a ventilator. Paranoid? Maybe, but why should I take the risk?



So, the government has decided the time is right to relax the social distancing measures once again, is it to early? The scientists at Independent SAGE seem to think so! Here’s their response to the latest government guidance.

Independent SAGE warns that it is not safe to relax social distancing rules for indoor settings and that the government’s proposal to reduce to 1 metre will ‘effectively end’ social distancing in Britain.

noise status


Karta has been poorly since the middle of last week. It would seem he has picked up a flu bug. He made a small recovery by the weekend and managed to spend the day at the skatepark on Saturday. By Monday he went downhill again and has lost hearing in his left ear.

We are visiting the doctor’s surgery this afternoon for a check-up.


73: Cakes, Cults & Rally Cars

The time has come for me to make some considerable changes to the way I am living my life.

I have had too many fingers in too many pies for too many years now. I’m always trying to come up with a way to make a living, but I don’t seem to be able to get out of this rut.

I turn 50 this month, a half-century of floundering around with nothing to show for it. That said, I do have a beautiful wife and a fantastic son, and they are the most important people to me.

So, what am I to do? Well, I am not going back to using social media regularly, and I am not going to take on any extra projects that do not directly benefit my small family.

The list of projects that I am involved with is getting smaller, and now I have started to develop a bakery business idea with my wife; although that is going to take several months to come to fruition.

My motorsport writing career is also on indefinite hold; having spent hundreds of hours writing about race & rally cars, I have come to realise that I need a break from all of it, at least until the new year.

My other blog, Cult of Zoid, has been neglected for quite some time, mostly because of the motorsport writing. I am going to fix that and get back to writing at least one memoir or op-ed for CoZ once per month.

My intermittent fasting is going well, although I am still making small course corrections as I try to find the best times for me to be eating.

Over and out.



70: The Obesity Inversion

Obesity is the most significant health crisis facing most of the western world. And so it is in my house.

I have struggled with being overweight for most of my adult life, and now I can see a similar pattern emerging with my son.

Several weeks ago I decided to follow an elementary form of intermittent fasting. The rules are quite simple, eat whatever you like, but only within a small window during the day.

So, I stop eating at around 6 pm every day, and then fast until at least lunchtime the following day. That’s it.

My wife is doing the same and seems to be doing okay. My son, on the other hand, is piling on the pounds. I think that it is down to a lack of regular daily exercise, combined with consuming too many “treats”.

So, what am I to do? Well, the first thing is to increase the amount of exercise that Karta does each day. Now, instead of driving to the school gates to collect him, I park a couple of miles away and walk to the school; then, we walk back to the car together. It adds around 40 minutes to our day, but the benefits are twofold. I get in a solid 90 minutes of daily exercise, and Karta receives what he needs.

As far as his diet is concerned, I try to send him into school with a good packed lunch and plenty to drink. Once home, I limit him to one small snack, in the shape of a piece of fruit.

I try to give him his main meal if the day before 5 pm, then he is only allowed to drink water until his breakfast the following morning at 7 am.

I hope that we can begin to reverse the weight gain to a reasonable level, given that Karta is at the age when boys need to put on a few pounds, so we have to get it right.

Onwards and upwards.



48: Yogo

I woke up this morning and realised that I need to start doing yoga. 


47: September, again

Life is moving along at a reasonably rapid pace these days.

I’m only weeks away from turning 50. Will I make it to 100, not unless I make some changes?!

So, nothing too fancy. Put good things into my body in moderation, convert some of that energy into movement and hopefully, I’ll be on my way to another fifty years on this planet.

Taking this approach to my health feels like the start of something sustainable.

A friend took a photo of me yesterday; when she showed it to me, I nearly fell off the chair. It is strange how reality can do that sometimes. Seeing an image of myself in profile made me realise just how bad things have become.

If I don’t make the changes that I need to make to my lifestyle, right now, I doubt I’ll have much more than twenty years left.

Living a modest life, free from stress, is all that I need.

I’ll meditate daily, open my heart and go with my gut feeling to guide me. If something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.

September is about my son, my wife and myself. The three things that I need to put all of my energy into now.

That is all.


40: The Priority Priority

Lately, I am being pulled in fewer directions that I have in the past.

I still don’t have a “day job”, and I’m continually trying to work out a way of getting paid for doing the things that bring me joy.

I love to write; I like to create imagery, watch movies and to travel. Most of all, I enjoy spending time with my family and a few close friends.

My priority has to be living a fulfilled life. My wife and son keep my compass true so that I might stay on course to something that really matters.

It would seem that I now need to pay close attention to my health once again.

Until next time, adieu.


37: Falling Down

As I made my way into the living room this morning, I failed to negotiate the giant fan that was in the doorway. I caught it as I stepped over it, and fell flat on my face.

As a big fat man, falling like that has ramifications. Everything aches, my neck is especially sore.

Note to self, try not to fall again, at least until I lose a ton of weight.