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creeping doubt

black dog looking at the camera during day
Photo by Allan Rohmer on Unsplash

I like to think that I have been keeping depression at bay, but lately, I’m not sure. I continue to flit between grand ideas and being unable to focus on one thing. As I have mentioned in my last post, there is potential trouble ahead, and I struggle to keep that potential future from affecting me in the here and now. I am distracted.

Being an eternal optimist is difficult sometimes. When the ‘black dog’ is circling the boundaries of my happiness, I find it hard to remain happy. I fucking hate uncertainty. I can live with it most of the time, but when things that affect my family are out of my control, I become overwhelmed with fight or flight feelings. A small lottery win would help.